A Fear at the Start of Pregnancy: Losing the Baby

«My parents' anxious behavior during my pregnancy certainly did not create the calm, serene atmosphere that would have been what I needed most. Being given advice about so many aspects of my life as a pregnant woman, or being told to be careful about everything as though I were in constant danger, or hearing stories of miscarriages that happened in normal situations just like mine, only increased that faint, hidden fear I had of losing the baby.

Deep down, even without being obsessed by the fear of miscarrying, every time I felt the slightest pain in my belly I thought the worst, and I often checked to make sure I wasn't bleeding. Losing the baby would have been terrible, so much so that I avoided the subject as much as possible and tried not to ask myself how much I would have suffered if it had happened to me. Beyond wanting the baby very much, if I had lost it I would have felt damaged, incapable of being a woman in the fullest sense. I had no real reasons to harbor such fears; I tried not to think about this dreadful possibility, and while I did lead a somewhat calmer, more careful life than usual, I did not behave like someone sick or convalescing. I did not needlessly risk a miscarriage by playing tennis or going horseback riding the way I had before the pregnancy, nor did I stress myself with long car trips just for the pleasure of going dancing at some faraway club, but I rode my bike, went boating, swam, and drove normally whenever I felt like it and needed to.»

It is typical for many pregnant women to experience the start of pregnancy with the fear of losing the baby. This generally happens

• when the woman has already had one or more previous pregnancy losses; until the week of the previous loss is passed, there tends to be greater difficulty investing emotionally in the baby, for fear of a new disappointment. Once the risk period has safely passed, the woman becomes aware of the reality of her condition, which she had previously denied, and no longer fears letting herself imagine her future as a mother;
• in women who had particular difficulty getting pregnant, waiting for years for a pregnancy that never seemed to come. When the long-awaited event finally happens, after hope had been all but lost, they feel such disbelief that they are unable to fully register the reality of it for a more or less extended period. At first they experience their condition as a dream not worth believing in, one that, just when things seem best, could still be interrupted.