The child is out in the world: the father's role in the developmental process
Once the dyadic period has ended and independence from the fused maternal relationship has been won, the child is out in the world: they experience themselves and their surroundings, explore them, and engage with new people, while still always keeping the mother and father as their primary reference points. Mother and father have different, but complementary, roles in the child's developmental path. The mother, usually by nature, nurtures and protects, while the father tends to take on the role of guide, through practical action and example.
Over the years, numerous studies have highlighted a series of traits that help identify a balanced, effective father figure in the relationship with the child. Let's look at a few of them together below.
The paternal figure is:
Hands-on experience
It is usually the father who, by inclination, takes on the role of accompanying the child through discovery and hands-on activities: climbing, diving, riding a bike, for example.
Limits and rules
He unconsciously represents the outside world that the child must, and will always have to, engage with throughout their development, and for this reason he is the one who sets limits and boundaries, also with the aim of making sure the right distance is kept between parents and children. In practice, if the child sleeps in the parents' room or in the same bed as mom and dad, it's the father who tends to want to change that, encouraging the child to sleep in their own room and so restoring the right balance and the right space between everyone involved.
Responsibility
A father who is able to take on responsibilities and follow through on them, even though the same holds for the mother, especially nowadays, is always a positive example for children.
Availability
This is a fundamental trait for the child's cognitive and emotional development. A father who builds a stable, positive relationship with his child is one who dedicates time to his child for the sheer pleasure of being together. The main activity that activates «availability» is play. For fathers, «playing» is often not simple: they feel not very flexible, not very creative or expressive, too pragmatic. But it is through the act of «playing» that a father can carve out that special, unique time to «be» with his child rather than just «do» things with his child.
Father-child play is a necessary, unique moment. It is a different experience from play with the mother, one the child needs, precisely because it lets them experience another way of playing, one that tends to be more dynamic, physical, and movement-based. The father shouldn't feel incapable; he should throw himself into play... with his child.
Involvement
If the father shows himself to be involved and available, the child will have a greater chance of developing autonomy and independence. The most concrete way to do this is always through play, which leads the father to be an active part of the child's life right from the start.
It's clear that putting all of this into practice can seem difficult in everyday life, but what matters most is knowing: mothers knowing the father's role, fathers knowing their own role. Only then is it possible to pay attention, at the right moments, to one's own behavior, so that the child's development can be as harmonious as possible.