As the end of pregnancy approaches, a woman's worries turn mainly to the moment of childbirth. Each woman asks herself countless questions about how it will unfold and imagines different scenarios, shaped by her personality, any previous experiences, and the accounts she has heard from people who have already been through it.

For many, it's as if, by the end of the nine months, thoughts about the baby become overshadowed by thoughts about childbirth, the great hurdle to overcome before finally being able to care for the newborn!

However, even for those whose labor goes smoothly, it often happens that they have to deal with situations they hadn't anticipated, which make the first days «as a mother» different from how they had imagined them. I'm referring to several different kinds of situations:

  • one, of a psychological nature, perceived as unfamiliar and threatening, concerns the feelings that some women do, or do not, have toward their baby. It's as if they struggle to recognize, in the child they are holding, the baby they had imagined during pregnancy, as though it were a little stranger who fails to stir in them the feelings they expected to feel spontaneously at first sight
  • another concerns the difficulty of identifying with a new identity, one that is no longer that of a pregnant woman but is also different from the one the woman had before pregnancy. For many it isn't easy, and it takes time, to feel at home again in a body that seems to betray them, both in appearance (for example, the belly doesn't flatten out even though it no longer holds the baby) and in function (for example, if the episiotomy stitches hurt, everything becomes difficult: from walking to sitting to having a bowel movement)
  • a third concerns the newborn's state of health: even when healthy, in the first days of life the baby may show some anomaly (for example in the results of routine tests) that requires further checks, extending the hospital stay. The mother would be discharged, but since the baby cannot yet go home, she often stays by his side, continuing to act like a patient even though she is no longer one. This only increases her confusion and tension, as it delays the moment when she can finally begin building her everyday life with the newborn without interference

In these cases, it's important to support the woman, trying not to stifle or play down her anxieties and distress, but instead allowing her to express them, helping her do so through neutral, understanding listening. She should also be reassured that closeness with her baby can develop even when an incubator or a phototherapy crib stands between them. In fact, the baby senses his mother's emotional presence through how he is held during feeding and diaper changes, or simply through the way he is touched if he is in an incubator, and through the tone of voice used to speak to him.

While in the past a new mother's hospital stay lasted at least 4 to 5 days, during which many issues concerning the baby were resolved (repeat clinical tests, phototherapy sessions, and so on), today it generally lasts only 48 hours, so it's fairly common for it to be extended. Women should therefore be prepared for this possibility, so that they can face it with less anxiety if it arises.