One of the advantages offered by modern science is the ability to know the sex of the unborn child in advance, thanks to tests that now give reliable results. This allows those with a strong preference to arrive at the birth prepared to welcome the baby, even if he or she isn't the sex they wished for. In the past, in the absence of scientific tools, people tried to guess it by carefully observing certain characteristics of the pregnant woman.
The appearance of blotches on a woman's face (melasma of pregnancy) was associated with expecting a girl, as was a rounded shape to the belly or a circular movement made by a small pendulum held over the palm of an expectant mother's hand. This drew on sexual symbolism, whereby anything round evokes the shape of the vulva and belongs to the feminine, in contrast with the straight, pointed, phallic shape, which belongs to the masculine.
Proverbs and folk sayings reflect the scientific theories of the past, according to which the sex of the fetus depended on how the baby had formed in the mother's body: a boy if conceived from the right ovary, a girl if from the left, and thus already linked to something negative from the very moment of conception.
While it may soon become possible to plan the sex of a child through ingenious biogenetic interventions, for now people attempt to influence it in ways only slightly more advanced than those of the past, through diets to follow before conception. As can be read in old obstetric manuals, specific foods were already being recommended to couples in past centuries, depending on which sex of child they preferred. Today, some studies (not yet scientifically validated) point to the influence of vaginal pH acidity on a baby's sex. It seems that a more acidic pH favors the birth of a girl, as it would make sperm carrying the Y gene less active; conversely, a less acidic pH would immobilize sperm carrying the X gene, favoring the birth of a boy. Diets based on calcium and magnesium are therefore recommended in the first case, and on sodium and potassium in the second.
But why does one wish for a boy, and why for a girl?
The conscious reasons each person gives are shaped by other, unknown, deep, unconscious ones, rooted in the relationship established with one's parents and in the quality of one's identification with them. Indeed, the feelings we have for our children are a re-edition of those we experienced as children toward our own mother and father, charged with ambivalence in which love or hate predominates.
It would be limiting and superficial, however, to equate a preference for a boy or a girl simply with greater love for the parent of that sex, because only an in-depth knowledge of a person's unconscious can reveal the intricate childhood dynamics from which their desire actually stems.
Let's hear, for instance, what Lara has to say about this:
«When people ask me whether I'd prefer a boy or a girl, I always answer that it makes no difference to me, that all that matters is that the baby is healthy. Only to myself do I admit it isn't quite the same, and that I would prefer a boy. Even a detail that might seem trivial confirms this desire of mine: I've already chosen the name for a boy, but I have no clear idea about a girl's name. This makes me feel guilty, though, because it seems like I'd be wronging the child if he or she weren't the sex I wanted.
I think I've wanted a boy for as long as I can remember, ever since my mother used to tell me that, when she was expecting me, she hoped I'd be a boy and not a girl. She said a mother's relationship with a son is easier, while a daughter is a rival with whom to share her husband's affection and attention… She must have felt deeply disappointed to bring me into the world, so different from what she would have wanted me to be!
Despite this hidden preference of mine, which I can't deny if I want to be truly honest with myself, I think I'll be very happy even if I have a girl, and I'm sure I'll be able to give her all my love. I'd want her to be able to feel the warmth, the affection, the openness that I sometimes felt deprived of, even though I certainly can't complain of not having been loved!»
For Lara, then, hoping for a boy is not driven solely by feelings of love toward her father, but also conceals a strong desire to be loved by her mother through the boy she's expecting. These feelings of love, however, are intertwined with feelings of rivalry toward her mother: having a boy means, in a sense, doing better than her mother, that is, being better at it than she was.