The "No"s That Help Children Grow (Part Two)

What are the obstacles that lead to an inability to say no? To answer this question too, we can point to three aspects:

• saying no can be tiring, because it presupposes going in search of alternative solutions and, on top of that, having the time and energy to withstand the child's likely reaction of frustration or dissatisfaction; it is undoubtedly easier to hand the task over to someone else, or to delegate it, for instance, to the TV;
• saying no can seem harmful to development, but this is an opinion resting on the conditioning each parent received in their own upbringing, one that does not necessarily need to be applied to the letter, since every situation is new, every child is unique, every human being is in constant evolution;
• saying no can be likened to a conflict between desires, between the parent's own desires and between these and the child's: going against a child's desires, especially when he is experienced as an extension of oneself, would thus amount to going against a part of oneself.

Moreover, the dilemma between "saying no" and "saying yes" is often sustained by the belief that "yes" is positive and "no" is negative. And yet, how many "yes"es are spoken simply because the energy to create situations that truly foster growth, and thus life, is lacking? All those "yes"es turn into their opposite, since they are dictated by disinterest, lack of time, lack of attention, lack of empathetic and practical involvement.