Violence against children shows unfortunately alarming statistics, highlighted by Unicef and other associations that try to curb it.
But alongside documented "torture", there are other, less obvious, insidious forms, of which many children fall victim, children of parents who nonetheless love them, wanted them, and believe they are treating them in the best possible way.
Ordinary parents who, often and against their own will, inflict trauma out of ignorance, limited sensitivity, inattention, even out of too much love.
Today, becoming a parent is regarded by many as one of the goals to achieve in life, like earning a diploma or reaching a certain status: the child is thus given the same energy as other commitments, without stopping to realize that, at least for a while, a child changes one's life, alters one's rhythms, schedule, commitments, investment of time and energy.
Furthermore, most people become parents with no preparation at all as to what a newborn actually is, what his real needs are, what capacity he has to perceive his surroundings from the very start of his life. Too often it is still forgotten that it is during the first weeks of life that the foundations of his future are laid, that a newborn must be treated with great care and respect, and that it is the adult who, at first, must adapt to his rhythms and not the other way around. Instead, many think it is good for the child to be accustomed, from birth, to adapting to their own pace of life, without even asking themselves whether this is really ideal for his growth. Perhaps, if people realized the feelings of disorientation and anguish the infant experiences at the start of life, feeling unable to survive without someone's help, it would be easier to put his needs before one's own, sparing him a great deal of needless stress caused by changes in habits and environment.
The newborn needs to acquire the certainty that his survival needs will be met. This can happen only by guaranteeing him, at least for the first weeks, a calm, repetitive, predictable pace of life, made up of routine, which teaches and helps him to anticipate satisfaction even when it does not come as immediately as he would like.
The parent who does not respect this fundamental need, often simply because they are unaware of its importance, unwittingly wounds him, since it makes him live in a situation with no points of reference, and thus perpetually gripped by a sense of insecurity tied to his survival.
It is therefore inevitable that the stress the newborn is subjected to shows itself through behaviors that express his distress and that call for the adult's continual presence: frequent crying, inability to stay alone, constant interruptions of sleep, feeding difficulties.
But it is above all the traces this kind of suffering leaves in his psyche that should give parents pause: failing to recognize his deep needs makes the little one feel unaccepted, unwanted, unloved, even though the reality is different.
It does no good to cover him in kisses if he is then bounced around, without valid reason, from one place to another just because "with a newborn you can travel the world". What makes him feel loved is the sense that whoever is close to him is helping him grow at a pace that respects his own timing, even if this initially throws off the adult's.