Breastfeeding and Emotional Presence

Breastfeeding is undoubtedly the best way to feed and help a newborn grow, and to protect them, even later in life, from many illnesses. It is therefore recommended to all mothers, so that they can practice it for at least the first months of their baby's life. However, it's often overlooked that the benefits of breastfeeding depend not only on the quality of the breast milk itself but also on the availability, above all the unconscious kind, with which it is given to the baby.

Feeding time is a privileged moment of contact with the mother, and if she is distant, distracted by other things, and not calmly focused on the baby, she cannot meet their emotional needs even while breastfeeding them. A weak maternal presence dilutes the benefits of breastfeeding and makes the baby's psycho-affective development more difficult.

Careful examination of photographs during psychotherapeutic work makes it possible to assess the quality of presence of whoever is breastfeeding the baby, and to grasp, through close attention to detail, what the baby's reactions actually are.

«Looking closely at two photographs of myself being breastfed, I noticed a difference that left me stunned. One dates back to my first week of life; I'm in my mother's arms while she breastfeeds me. I've never liked this photo, because she seems absent, not spontaneous, awkward in the way she's holding me. Looking closely at her face, it seems as if she's giving me her breast with detachment, without looking at me, without any gesture of affection; maybe she's distracted by problems that have nothing to do with me but that are capturing all her attention. I seem to be uncomfortable, ill at ease, even though my head is resting against her, as if I weren't enjoying the contact with her body or the good milk satisfying my hunger.»

«The other photo dates from a few weeks later; I must be just over a month old, and I'm being bottle-fed by my nanny. I'm in the same spot as in the other photo, but this one is so different it feels like another place entirely, and not only because there's more light, I'm wearing a different outfit, and I have a bit more hair. The difference doesn't even lie in the fact that someone else has taken my mother's place. In this photo, it's me who is different, because in the arms of my nanny, who is looking at me and smiling, I am calm, relaxed, at ease. I am completely at one with her body, and while I suck on the bottle my eyes are half-closed, as if I were dreaming, while her hand caresses me. It's as if I were saying, how wonderful it is to eat, to be caressed, to dream!»

Next to a psychologically distant mother, who seems indifferent and unable to express warm affection, the baby girl is tense, stiff, contracted; instead of letting herself relax, she seems to want to pull away from her mother's arms.

She appears quite different, however, in the photographs with her nanny, who looks at her, caresses her, and offers her the warmth and affection that allow her to relax during the feed.